Picture this: a beautifully set table, adorned with elegant dinnerware and sparkling crystal glasses. The aroma of a sumptuous three-course meal lingers in the air as guests gather around, eagerly awaiting the culinary delights about to be served. But amidst the clinking of silverware and clatter of conversation, there is an art to wedding dining that goes beyond just savouring the food.
Join us on a tantalising journey as we unveil the secret world of proper dining at weddings – where good manners become an essential ingredient for creating unforgettable moments and timeless memories. So raise your glass, take your seat, and let us guide you through this enchanting realm of exquisite etiquette.
What is Etiquette?
So many people hear the word “etiquette” and associate it with being stuffy, snobby or elitist. However, etiquette is all about understanding, kindness, respect and consideration for others. It is basically a set of rules that regulate social behaviour. The things you are taught growing up such as “don’t speak with your mouth full”, “say please and thank you” “let older or pregnant people sit down on public transport” the list goes on…
When it comes to wedding dining etiquette, there are a few things you should keep in mind. First and foremost, always be respectful of the bride and groom’s plans and wishes. They are the ones that have spent months organising and have carefully curated the day, if they have specific requests or dining etiquette, be sure to follow them especially when it comes to wedding breakfast.
The table plan can be one of the most stressful parts of planning a wedding, trying to make sure that people are seated with people they like whilst also mixing the families and friends. Appreciate the time and thought that has gone into creating the table plan by sticking to what it says rather than swapping names around, this not only affects the couple but the catering plan.
You see it everywhere, people out dining together sat staring at their phones. Probably checking their socials, not very social! Weddings are the same, everyone loves to have their phone to hand to capture the moment, however make sure that is all it is being used for. Is now really the time to check your socials?
At weddings, the alcohol tends to flow freely, take care not to overindulge or impose on the day; you don’t want to end up embarrassingly intoxicated and being the talk of the town for all the wrong reasons.
Finally, a big one we are seeing more and more is the get up and go once a meal has been eaten. The happy couple have allocated time for the meal intentionally. They would like you to enjoy their chosen food and chat and be merry with your table of guests. It is therefore only right to wait until you have been excused or invited to leave the table, which the speeches tend to dictate. Getting up and wandering around before this moment may be seen as rude and will make it harder for the wedding party to continue with the speeches.
Appreciate and Respect the Tradition
When it comes to wedding etiquette, one of the most important things to keep in mind is to appreciate and respect the tradition. Whether you are the host or the guest, it is important to be mindful of the fact that a wedding is a sacred event. For many couples, their wedding day is one of the most important days of their lives. As such, it is important to treat the occasion with the utmost respect.
There has been a set formula for weddings for many years. Ceremony, drinks reception, wedding breakfast, speeches, cake (although see our post on moving the cake cutting to earlier in the day), first dance, party! When planning your wedding, you want to get the most out of your day . No doubt you have attended a few weddings and borrowed some ideas from the bits you have liked. However, try not to cram in a full-blown 5-hour agenda for your guests, try and work with the tried and tested formula with a few ideas added in. There is a reason weddings have run in a set order with certain items on the schedule for so many years – because it works and guests have come to expect a particular format to the day (and know what they are doing – too many curved balls and the guests will be all over the place!). That’s not to say you can’t add your own mark to your day, or add in some of your own creativity, just think about how it will work with your number of guests and take advice from your wedding suppliers who are experienced in planning and running weddings.
Think carefully about the timings of your day and work with your suppliers to put the schedule together. Usually, the photographer will want some time with you alone to get those all-important couple shots. This works best either during the drinks reception or after the speeches (depending on the timing of your day). You will not want it to disrupt your day (ie not when food is about to be served or everyone is waiting for the speeches to start), while also allowing you plenty of time to mingle with your guests. We think it is important to take time with your new husband or wife to see the beautiful day you have pulled together, see everyone enjoying themselves and have some time to reflect on the vows you have promised to each other. The day passes so quickly, so make sure you take this time. Perhaps it could be part of your time with the photographer, or perhaps it will be a quiet drink after the first dance…
The Wedding Breakfast
When it comes to the meal, you have invested a lot of time and money in creating your menu, tasting, and deliberating the best options and style of meal to serve, so make sure you allow adequate time for everyone to enjoy your choices. After all, what are the main things people talk about after the wedding? What they ate, what the bride wore and how good the party was!
Taking time to enjoy a meal, chatting with those closest to you and your newly betrothed will be a fond memory to look back on. They do say “those who eat together, stay together…” So don’t shoehorn the meal into a day of full-blown activity and entertainment, give it the time it deserves, allocate time to savour the flavours…
We recommend that the full meal is served before moving on to the speeches, this ensures your caterers have a fixed idea of timings. Once everyone is sat down, they know how to run the courses and ensure the timings run smoothly. Also, everyone is nicely full and content once the speeches start and they can relax and let their food settle before the dancing starts!
Know your guests. If your guests aren’t the type to sit down for more than five minutes, perhaps a traditional 3 course sit-down menu isn’t for you. If you want a more relaxed menu option, perhaps our bistro boards or BBQ boards would be a good option, please take into consideration that they don’t suit every venue. For example, a grand manor house or castle which is a much more traditional wedding setting would not be fitting for a BBQ board-style menu and therefore we would suggest a more classic two or three course dining experience would work better for your guests. A marquee wedding or festival style wedding would definitely suit a more relaxed dining experience, but it is flexible so you could create a two or three course sit down experience if you prefer.
However you want your day to run, and the menu you would like to serve, ensure you take on the experience and expertise at hand from your suppliers. They will work together to pull your special day together and create a running order (we know timings can slip a little), sticking to this plan (loosely) will ensure your day is purely magical, and you can sit back, relax and enjoy the meal!
Photo Credits:
Lemonade Photos
The Unscripted